Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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