Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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