i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she pinky promised me she was 18
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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