hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
