just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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