I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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