So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
