Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
