You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it because I queefed?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
