last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
someone owes me an orgasm
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize