please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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