Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
