Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
