yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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