dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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