I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
