I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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