You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
