i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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