i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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