We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
well you can't waste a boner
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
