Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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