she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
