he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
