when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
