She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
