Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
