If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
