just survived the first fart of the relationship.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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