I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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