Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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