You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
