Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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