So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
