That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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