after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
