wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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