I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
