dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
