Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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