I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
