life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
