Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
