ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize