I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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