I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
