i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
