i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
