his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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