I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
