Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you never un-have a 4some
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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