I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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