is your mom at the bar?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
