Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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