like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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