I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
