When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
