My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Liz is crying about burritos again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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