my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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