Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
