4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
