im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
