Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
