I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
