i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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