I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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