she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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