margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
nutella sex= disaster
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
