batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
