She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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