when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
